I'm No Hero -- You Are To Me
by RayneSummer
Summary: After the events of 9.02 Dean breaks, alone in his room, regretting all he's done. But he forgets that he's never alone.


**I'm still working on 'Three Days' but after watching Devil May Care, 9.02, I really just want to write a quick bit for the end of that. Maybe Dean breaking down is a little OOC, but I need flashbacks and brother moments.**

**Don't own anything, as usual, lucky for those boys ;) Enjoy and review~**

* * *

As a general rule, Dean Winchester doesn't do chick-flick moments. Well, he _tries _not to do them. But in their his of work, they are rather hard to avoid, considering the whole almost-dying-on-almost-every-job thing.

Which sucks, by the way.

But a touchy-feely moment when everything was currently okay - or as okay as it got - was a big no-no. Uh-uh. Dean did _not_, whatso_ever_, become a girl just because he's feeling a little guilty about something. That 'something' being saving Sam's life... but it was the way he did it.

That's why, tonight after they had returned home, checked Crowley was - unfortunately but necessarily - still breathing and ensured that Kevin wasn't going to get himself killed by leaving - oh yeah, then having to convince Sam (yet _again_) that he was okay and that freaking Tracy girl didn't really have a say in his life - Dean is feeling a little low.

He doesn't really remember going to his room, but he - almost on impulse - found himself praying. Not really to anyone, but just whispering to himself.

"How do I know I made the right choice."

That's it. That simple line, muttered to an empty room, makes the almost invincible Dean Winchester break. And when a Winchester crashes, they crash _hard._

Dean doesn't do self-pity. But he _does _do self-hate. And a lot of it.

Rolling over on his bed to lay on his stomach, Dean Winchester let his silent tears run, barely making a sound as all his guilt, hurt and betrayal comes out through the salt water that soaks his pillow.

He's pretty sure he's alone. He whispers to himself in the darkness, cursing his own stupid, idiotic, mind. What would Bobby say if he saw his boys now? Sam, dying, possessed by an angel, and Dean breaking under all the weight of his decision.

He'd tell them to suck it up and move on, of course.

But Dean can't.

It's been who knows how long since he's actually cried. It was a sparse situation; even the single tear that fell while praying for Sam wasn't followed by more. They don't have time for moments like this on the road. It's just get in the car and drive away; they ain't got time to grieve. There's just time to think who's next, and whether Sam will leave.

But they have a home now. A proper home - a hunter's home.

Unable to keep his silence, Dean starts sobbing. They are heartbroken, terrified sobs, coming from a shattered man: terrified for the future, for the consequence of his decision. Terrified of the world.

And once all the guilt and sadness comes out of him, he can't stop.

He begins shaking with tears, sobs wracking his body. This was all his fault. Sam was alive because of him, but he was also possessed because of him. Who was Dean to trust a freaking angel? Since when had Heaven's God Squad done any freaking good?

But, God... Sam was going to give up. And Dean can't do it without him.

_"I __**can't do this without you**__"_

_"Yes _**_you can_**_"_

_"Well __**I don't want to"**_

He'd told him, that fateful night he'd gone to get Sam from Stanford. All those years ago. All those years of pain, torture, death, and worse. There are things worse than death. And that's when your brother dies in your arms.

Dean lets loose another sob. He promised Sam, he had promised him! And all those broken promises had been washed away in the mud and rain as he had held his brother's broken body in his arms.

_"I'm gonna __**take care of you**__. I've got you. That's __**my job**__, right? Watch out for my pain in the ass __**little brother**__?"_

So he sold his soul and got Sam back.

But how was it his right to do that? All through his year, Sam had called him out on his actions - how could he be so selfish? What the hell was wrong with him?

But even Sam's love for him couldn't break the deal, and Dean had died in agony, ripped apart by a hellhound while Lilith made Sam freaking _watch_. That sick bitch.

So when he heard that they had to kill a hellhound for the Trials, he stepped right up. This was his moment.

Then the demon bitches got him again. But this time Sam _was _there. That's where all this Trial crap had started.

Dean sobs into the pillow, not even trying to stop the tears now. Everyone was asleep, no one would hear. No one needs to know just how broken their 'hero' was in the night. Just how much weight he was carrying.

And he just can't anymore. He is done.

Through taking care of Sam, then stopping him closing the gates of Hell, just asking him to save himself instead, only to watch him slowly slip away in the hospital.

And then trusting an _angel _to heal his _brother_ through _possession_? Is this what he has come to?

But he knows it's true. This is what he has come to. There's nothing left now. The speech he gave Kevin had no meaning to it. Not really. All the people they've lost, all of them. Including Sam, countless times.

Now, as Dean lies on his bed soaked through with his own tears, he knows he is done. He's alone. And he's finished.

Dean Winchester closes his eyes. He'll face the world again tomorrow morning.

* * *

In the silence of the Bunker, Sam Winchester walks the hallways.

He walks past Kevin's room, where the kid is passed out from a long day. He walks past his own room, without stopping. When he gets to Dean's room, he stops.

He carefully steps up to the door and pushes it open.

Dean is lying on his front, face turned towards the door to breathe. The light from the hallway illuminates his sleeping features: his closed eyes, his ruffled hair... the tear tracks on his cheeks.

Sam sighs and walks to his brother's bed. He sits on the edge and Dean doesn't stir.

Gently, he puts a hand on his big brother's shoulder, and rubs it. Dean shifts a little and doesn't opening his eyes, but makes a sound like a whimper, like a lost puppy who doesn't know where to go from here.

"Shh, Dean, it's Sammy," Sam whispers, although Dean's not listening. Sam could say more, but he doesn't have to. All the unspoken quotes from past years are there, in those three words.

_"You're my big brother, and there's __**nothing I wouldn't do for you**__"_

_"Because. You're still my __**big brother**__"_

_"You know what __**my greatest sin**__ was? It was how many times I __**let you down**__. I __**can't do that again**__"_

Sam sighs and looks down at his brother. Dean looks small and vulnerable in sleep. Sam's expression softens.

"I won't let you down any more, Dean. I promise," he whispers.

Dean sighs a little in his sleep, like a weight has been lifted temporarily from his shoulders. Sam smiles sadly.

"I'm here. I'm not leaving." He takes a deep breath. There was no more time for empty promises, so he'll make one he can keep."

"I'm with you, all the way. I'm here for you, big brother. I've got your back. I always have."

Ezekiel, inside Sam, sees the boy's soul glow with power. And the angel knows that, in the end, nothing can stand against or inbetween the Winchesters. That's the way it's always been, and the way it will stay. Forever.


End file.
